A Taekwondo Lesson I Never Expected
My mother is Korean, and I grew up practicing Taekwondo in Los Angeles. By twelve, I had earned my second-degree black belt—one of the few girls at my training facility to make it that far. I was shy and often bullied, and while both of my older brothers quit soon after their first month, I refused to.
Taekwondo shaped me.
Taekwondo gave me discipline, focus, and confidence. So when I had boys of my own, I hoped it would be something I could pass down—a connection to me, their grandmother, and their Korean heritage.
When they loved their first trial class, I was so excited. My firstborn (Twin A) talked about becoming a "strong warrior" all week.
Then came their first official class, and an experience I never expected. That night, I sat down and wrote this letter.
A quick note: Real names have been removed because my intention is not to hurt anyone or their business, but to share my experience. I’ve highlighted the key parts of the letter for anyone who prefers to skim.
Dear Master H,
I am writing to formally share a concern about what happened during the 5:20 p.m. Little Tigers class at the New location on August 14. This was my 4½-year-old twins' official first classand the experience with my son left meextremely disappointed and upset.
My boys had previously done a trial class with Master Y at the Old location, and we were incredibly impressed. He was patient and encouraging, and my boys responded very well to him. That experience was a large part of why we decided to sign them up for Taekwondo. I have video from their trial class that I would be happy to share showing how well they participated and responded to his instruction.
My son had been talking about going back to Taekwondo all week. He is an intelligent, kind, strong-willed four-year-old with a tremendous amount of energy. In his mind, he was learning to become a "strong warrior" who could protect people from bad guys.
During Friday's class, Instructor X was addressing the children about talking. There were approximately 36 children, and from where I was sitting, the amount of chatter seemed minimal and consistent with what I would expect from a room full of young children.
My son was singled out and told not to talk. He responded with a little "ahh" or playful bark-like sound. I know my son, and I did not interpret this as an attempt to challenge or disrespect his instructor. It is something he does when he feels put on the spot and doesn't know what to say.
Instead of simply correcting him and moving on, the interaction continued. My son was corrected approximately three times, with Instructor X moving closer to him each time. I could see my son becoming increasingly uncomfortable with being singled out.
Instructor X then approached him, told him that he would not be disrespected in his class, took him by the hand, and escorted him off the mat in front of the other students and parents, telling him he could not participate if he was going to be disrespectful.
My son immediately began crying.
This is the part that concerns me most. He is four years old. He was not fighting, hurting another child, running around the room, or creating a safety issue. He was an excited little boy in a new environment who needed redirection.
I understand that Taekwondo teaches discipline, focus, and respect. That is one of the reasons we chose it. But those are skills children this age are there to learn. They cannot be expected to arrive at their first class behaving like children who have been training for years.
That distinction was noticeable in this class. Some children were clearly much more experienced and already knew the routines and what was expected of them.
I want to specifically mention one female instructor who repeatedly squatted down beside my boys and gently helped them understand how to sit, stand, and position themselves correctly. I unfortunately did not get her name, but she was a blessing. She recognized that they were brand-new, showed them what to do, and they responded beautifully to her. That was exactly the kind of patient correction I would expect for children attending their first classes.
Had my son simply been corrected and redirected back to the lesson, I believe the situation would have ended there.
Instead, my son became so distraught after being removed that my husband had to take him to the car. He continued crying because he wanted to go back and finish the class he had been excited about all week. His twin brother was confused and concerned about where he had gone.
“Did that really just happen?”
Several mothers who witnessed what happened approached me afterwardand expressed that they felt bad about how the situation had been handled. One mother was kind enough to give my son a lollipop and sticker, which finally helped him calm down.
Later, my son told me, "That's not my Taekwondo place." He meant that he wanted to return to the Old location where he had his trial with Master Y. Hearing that was heartbreaking after seeing how excited he had been just days earlier.
Instructor X called me afterward to discuss what happened, and I do want to give him credit for making that call. I appreciated his willingness to speak with me directly.
However, I felt that his apology was repeatedly accompanied by explanations for his actions. At one point, he gave me an example of another child who had initially been very disruptive and eventually obtained a high belt class. I told him that while I heard his apology, the explanations felt like justification for how my son had been treated.
Instructor X also told me that he did not know it was my sons first class. I understand that he may not have been explicitly told, but I found that difficult to understand because there were several visible indications that my boys were brand-new. They were learning to type their names into the iPad for check-in, having their photographs taken for the system, and having their names written on their uniforms. Once class began, they did not know where their assigned dots were, the routines, or even how to properly do a jumping jack.
I find it troubling that an adult instructor appeared to take a four-year-old's immature response to correction so personally that it became a confrontation over "disrespect" and authority. If such a small response from a brand-new four-year-old warranted removal from class, it leaves me concerned about how a genuinely disruptive situation would be handled.
I practiced Taekwondo myself, and my mother is Korean. Part of why I wanted my boys involved is to pass this important part of their Korean heritage down to them. I absolutely expect my children to be corrected when necessary. My son is strong-willed and energetic, and sometimes he will need more than one reminder. I am not asking for special treatment.
What I am asking for is age-appropriate correction that teaches rather than embarrasses or excludes a four-year-old who is still learning.
I ultimately accepted Instructor X’s apology and told him I appreciated that he called and was willing to take this as an opportunity to learn. I mean that sincerely. I am not interested in attacking him or getting anyone in trouble. I am bringing this to you because I believe what happened deserves your attention.
Our experience with Master Y showed me how well my boys can respond when an instructor recognizes their enthusiasm while patiently teaching them what is expected. I would appreciate hearing your thoughts about what happened with my son and whether removing a four-year-old from the mat for this type of behavior is consistent with how you expect instructors to handle young students.
Thank you for taking the time to read and consider my concerns.
Sincerely,
Naomi
When his heart hurts, mine does too.
My heart broke for Twin A that night. He even woke from a night terror and was inconsolable for nearly 30 minutes. All I could do was sit beside him until a tight hug finally calmed him. But he is resilient, and I don't want one bad experience to change something he was so excited about.
When I was little, an older boy at school regularly teased me. I was shy, so I usually ignored him and walked away.
One afternoon, while I was picking up a pinecone, he deliberately stepped on my hand hard enough to cut my finger and make it bleed.
That crossed a line for me.
When he turned around, I side-kicked him and knocked him onto the grass.
His mother saw the kick—not what happened before it—and complained to my mom. My mom didn't argue. She walked me home, asked what really happened, then hugged me and whispered:
"You did a good job!”
I've never forgotten it.
She wasn't teaching me that fighting was okay. She was teaching a shy little girl the difference between looking for a fight and standing up for herself.
Now I'm the mom.
My boys will be corrected throughout their lives, as they should be—especially by those in authority. But there is a difference between appropriate discipline and excessive punishment. When that line is crossed, I will do what my mom did for me: stand beside them and speak up.
P.S. Both boys asked what happened, and I told them the truth. Twin A was talking during class, and talking was not allowed. I also made it clear that I did not agree with how it was handled. I want them to respect authority, accept appropriate consequences, and know how and when to advocate for themselves.