Why Leaving California Was the Best Thing I Ever Did

I never thought I would leave California.
I was born and raised there, in the same childhood home for almost 30 years. California was all I knew. I always imagined I’d stay close to my family, live near the ocean, and raise my kids in the same kind of life I grew up with.

Quiet California beach at sunset

Then I married an Airman, packed up my life, and suddenly everything changed.

At first, I didn’t want to leave. I grieved it deeply.
Not just the place itself, but the comfort of familiarity. The people, the stores I knew by heart, the food, the routines, my parents, my friends. Every move after that became harder in its own way because every time, I had to start over again.

New city.
New grocery store.
New roads.
New doctors.
New friends.
New version of myself.

In ten years, we moved five times.

And for someone with severe anxiety, that kind of constant change felt overwhelming at first. But somewhere along the way, I realized something surprising:

From bud to blossom

Leaving California forced me to grow.

The truth is, life there had started to feel heavy for me long before I left. The cost of living had become almost impossible to ignore. A modest childhood home under 1,500 square feet in my hometown was approaching a million dollars. A drive that should’ve taken fifteen minutes somehow became an hour in traffic. Everything felt crowded, rushed, expensive, and emotionally exhausting.

But beyond the practical things, I also felt like I could never fully speak honestly about what I believed.

I’m not someone who enjoys conflict, and I’m not interested in arguing politics online. I respect that people live differently and believe different things. But over time, I started feeling like there was less and less room for respectful disagreement. If your views didn’t align with the majority around you, you learned pretty quickly to stay quiet, smile politely, and avoid saying too much.

That became exhausting too.

My faith also became more important to me as I got older, especially after becoming a mom and walking through difficult seasons in life. Through every move, every setback, and every season of uncertainty, I kept coming back to my faith. Looking back, I think that's one reason I'm so drawn to creating art centered around encouragement, hope, and scripture. Sometimes a small reminder of truth can carry you farther than you expect. I wanted my children raised in an environment where church, community, and shared values still mattered. In many of the places we ended up living after California, I found that. I found people who openly prioritized faith, family, kindness, and community. I found churches filled with people who showed up for us during some of the hardest moments of our lives.

And honestly, I didn’t realize how much I needed that until I experienced it.

One of the biggest unexpected gifts of military life was perspective. Had I stayed in California forever, I probably would’ve believed everywhere else was “less than.” But traveling and moving taught me that there are beautiful people, strong communities, and meaningful lives being built all across the country.

I learned how adaptable I actually am.
I learned I could survive starting over.
I learned how to build community from scratch.
I learned how to let go of needing everything to feel familiar all the time.

Ironically, the life I fought so hard against at first ended up giving me opportunities I never would’ve had otherwise.

Remote work during the pandemic gave me flexibility. Military life introduced me to different cultures, different lifestyles, and different ways of living. I found some of the best doctors in the country through those moves — including specialists who changed my life. I found friendships I never would’ve made if I had stayed in one place forever.

The friend we never saw coming

And maybe most importantly, I stopped choosing a future based only on what was familiar.

Now, when I think about where I want to live long-term, I’m not choosing based on fear of change anymore. I get to choose based on experience. Based on what feels healthiest for me, my marriage, my faith, and my children.

California will always be part of me. It’s where I’m from. It holds so many memories and people I love deeply.

But leaving taught me that sometimes the life you never planned for ends up becoming the one that changes you for the better.